Keychains.

(I know, key chains is two words, but I only use one word for my post titles. Deal with it.)

I've been meaning to post about more exciting things! Being unemployed really makes you busy! 

....lol. 

No, it's my sleeping. My sleeping pattern has been off for almost a year now - since I opened Etsy and got a few sales near Valentine's Day. I worked so hard and so much that I wasn't sleeping entire nights. I was working straight through them and then working a full day at my day job. 

Come the weekend though, it was filled with sleeping. 

Really, just that. Sleeping.

My record is approximately 62 hours of sleep, accumulated from Friday night after work until Monday morning when it was time to go into work. I was always so tired that I couldn't stay awake for longer than three hours. 

To my defense, it wasn't all my Obsessive Compulsion Disorder which made me work incessantly on Etsy orders, but my brain medication (for bipolar, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and whatever else I can't remember) was all sorts of out of whack this year too. 

My brain medication is quite better now. Adam is very kind, understanding, and is helping me to get my life back on track like an everyday person. 

The struggle to have a normal life is real.

-----

I'm done complaining today. I'm going to share with you my latest product that's not quite up for sale on Etsy yet, but I've been making several for friends around town and trying to catch up on Etsy orders before they go up, but they shall be soon!

CUTE, CUTE key chains!

with so many different styles and backgrounds to choose from, and there are going to be even more soon!

(that's a copyright image, not a Chicago Bears logo)

I made the first (12) key chains for a friend - a sample of what they looked like is in the first picture. She took the key chains to the parents and aunts/uncles in her family to announce that she was pregnant! Howe so, so cute!?

Next up, I'm almost done with an order for one of Adam's coworkers. She ordered five and she went all-out. We added a metal charm and also a bead charm to each one! It was a lot of fun, but a lot of work, too! I made almost 30 bead charms (so that she could have a variety to choose from) and had to teach myself how to make them. FUN, FUN! I love new stuff. Love, love, love it.

Candid photos of her key chains (because I'm too excited to wait until they're *actually* done to show you!):

I should finish up my 2 coupon book orders. That'll make me feel better about being behind.

Contact me if you want a custom key chain order!

Enormous.

This turned into an unexpected, unintentional, enormous post. However, I have pretty pictures, and that makes it okay.

I should really be working right now, but I'm not. I'm here to say "TWENTY-FIVE (25) VISITORS ON MY BLOG TODAY SO FAR!" Whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut? Since when did I have anyone looking at my blog besides the 52. (52 Reason I Love You) post!? I'm an internet sensation! Ha. I'm hilarious and you know it.

I also see that I'm getting some visitors via Pinterest to my Legoman. post where I shared this awesome card I made for my brother last year:

It's a Lego!

The visits on my Legoman. post are from a pin with over 70 repins! You know what that means? It means that other people like my work. It means I have something in me somewhere that can come up with good stuff now and then. It means that I'm getting better. It means all of the fails for the past (almost) 28 years have been worth it because I have learned from my mistakes and I have grown from them. It means I'm awesome.

How exciting is that?! This used to be a nothing blog. A place where I put my thoughts down and sometimes a picture. I documented a lot about my crafting failures. NO ONE visited my blog. No one except for a dear interweb friend from Australia (I can never spell Australia), Michelle from Amusing Michelle. She's sincerely nice and personable, and very, very good at what she does.

My real joy and excitement in regards to visitors is my Etsy store. One day in June I got 250 views!!!!!211)%$@*&W$)%!!! I have screenshots to prove it! That's a lot for me! I only have a few items in my store, and they're not very common items that everyone is looking for, y'know? 

I just about died when I saw that number go up and up. As you can see, I stayed up past 1:00 A.M. the following day to see what the final number was for that day.

Not only that, but there's a Pinterest pin out there that has 500 some repins! NO JOKE.

----------

I think I've done enough bragging for today. I think now I'll get back to work.

Today will consist of:

• Mailing out a chalkboard coupon book (maybe I'll tell you about that drama tomorrow), which looks a little something like this on the inside:

(I'm paranoid about other people stealing my work, so I put a huge watermark
over any screenshots I take. Sorry for the annoyance.)

• Cutting white vinyl for a HUGE project, which I'll share later,

• Applying to 4 jobs as required by the State of Wisconsin for those unemployed that are receiving unemployment benefits,

• Taking pictures of 2003974 pieces of paper for a custom order to create a custom sized binder. Yes, yes. I have to take pictures of pieces of paper, edit them, upload them to a photo sharing website, then the customer gets to choose what she likes, and THEN I can make the binder. SO. MUCH. WORK. I didn't charge enough... lol...

• Continuing work on my second order of my new Vintage Pink Love Coupon Book (!!!), which will look something like this:

• Sanding a deck of teal colored cards for a 52 Reasons I Love You order, which will look similar to this: 

• Typing reasons into the computer for a reverse blue deck of cards for a 52 Reasons I Love You order, which will end up looking a little something like this:

• Doing other things that I forgot,
• Kicking Nuke (my cat) out of the Craftination Station a few dozen times. He likes my beads. and to jump in my light box. and pens. and my Silhouette Cameo. and stepping on paper. I may or may not want to strangle him sometimes.
• And hopefully I can do the dishes like I've been meaning to for two days. (DO NOT judge me. I will smite you with a curse if you do.)
• Oh, and hopefully do a load of laundry.
• And fold Adam's laundry that he refuses to put away.
• Maybe a little food in there too. 
• Probably a panic attack or three.

If you were me, what priority would you set these items at!? I DON'T KNOW, EITHER! 

/off to go turn in slow circles a few times, trying to figure out what to do first, and then sitting back down with a feeling of dread and hopelessness. Where to begin?

/sigh

Returned.

Well that whole Adoption blog was a bust. I wasn't sure what I could post and if anyone would be interested and if **I** would even be interested... so I never bothered posting anything. lawl.

Despite me deserting my blog for the better part of the year, this place has been quite active. How? Thank you, 52 Reasons I Love You (most colors, blue/teal, & Star Wars)! Dude, those things are so popular! All I did to get where I am was blog about it and link up to 52 Reasons I Love you original maker's website. And because I linked up, tons of people are clicking on my picture and coming to my blog! Not even just that, but some people are going to my Etsy store from my blog! And visitors, as we all know, equals sales (sometimes), which equals money, which equals a newly unemployed Tessa very happy!

There has been SO MUCH crafting going on 'round here. SO MUCH AWESOME with little fails mixed in. Okay, a lot of fail (wait until I talk about the dreadful purple binder). 

I want to document all of this so bad, and I thought Facebook was a decent way of doing so. But it's just not cutting it. I'm pretty sure that I can share whatever I want about my crafts and the sales on Etsy that I've gotten, as long as I don't give names. Right? Does anyone know anything about this? 

Here's to hoping I don't get sued. 

/cheers

Feelings.

Redhead Can Decorate, a mildly successful blog, and also has a Facebook page. 

Julie, the blogger, posted a picture of a "spy mirror" that she has in her house. It's a mirror on the landing of her stairs, which allows her to look down the top of the stairs and see exactly what's happening in the great area at the bottom. Feel free to click on the link to see what I mean. 

I don't agree with the total idea of a mirror. I'm not fully able to verbalize what it is that bothers me. I just think that kids aren't meant to be monitored all the live long day. NO ONE should be spied on! What a violation of privacy! 

I totally understand checking up on kids and making sure that they aren't up to no good, but they should probably be aware that you're checking up on them, no? How CREEPED OUT would I have been growing up if I saw my mother staring at me through a mirror? Around the corner? A camera? Seriously. Creeped. Out. 

I guess I am able to verbalize what bothers me about it, and now it makes me more upset!

BUT. When I first saw the picture, remember, I didn't know what it was exactly that I didn't like. All I was able to say was "Huh. That's... weird.".  I didn't think my comment was offensive, out of line, or even mildly rude. Is that rude? You tell me.

Apparently Julie the Redhead thought it was completely unacceptable, because not only did she promptly delete my comment, but she also banned me from making any comments on her entire Facebook page.

Honestly?  

True story.

I wanted to contact her to see if she really was mad at me, but I cannot send her a private message through her Facebook page. 

I was able to find her email from her blog, and I sent her a short, sweet and innocent email:

"I'm confused. I'm pretty sure I commented on your spy mirror post on your Facebook page. I went back to it to see if anyone else had commented on it, but my comment isn't there. Now it seems I can't comment at all anymore.  

In case you deleted it, I didn't think my comment was controversial. I thought my comment was perfectly objectionable but not rude.  

Did you block me? Did I not post it? Why can't I comment on anything else of yours?"

To date, she has posted several times on her Facebook, yet I have not received a response. I'm upset by this - moreso than a normal person should be, I think. I'd love to throw out a slew of curse words, a few degrading sentiments, and a plethora of angry words directed at this woman, but instead I'm just going to say one word:

Rude.

You don't like something I say? It seems the only logical response is to shun me from the entire group of fans that she has. Delete my comment, prevent me from ever commenting on any post again, don't return my email, and certainly don't explain anything. Censor my words and ban me entirely from your entire Facebook page.

Talk about a slap in the face. 

I'm sure she'd ban me from her website if she could figure out how. She'd block my emails, too. They might already be automatically directed to her trash or spam folder.

I wonder if she deletes EVERYONE'S comments that don't 100% agree or omfglovebowbow at her. Not only do I not agree with her mirror, I don't agree with they way she conducts her business or how she treats people. I can't believe people actually behave this way.

Sucks.

Yesterday was a bad day. I was going through photos of my cards and trying to find ones to list on Etsy. I found very few out of a lot of cards. I came to the realization that I make a lot of crappy stuff.

I'm not looking for sympathy here, just stating facts, ranting and moping. That's ok, I suppose. Everyone has their bad days.

When I first started out, I said it was ok because everyone starts out somewhere, and I was convinced that I would grow from everything and make less crappy things. I am reminded of this post where I talked about this image I found on Pinterest:

It's been two years since I posted that. I craft a lot. I guess I should've done more cards, because I do a lot of non-card related crafting and my cards still generally are not good. Maybe they don't super suck some of the time, but the fact that I found very few cards that I felt proud enough to list on Etsy really depressed me!

So yesterday and today I've spent a lot of time stamping. I've thrown out a lot of stuffs. Sucks. I did make one that I am ok with. Not proud, but it's decent I suppose.

Step your game up, Tessa.

In SUPER HAPPY news, my friend in Australia, Michelle, lost her dog, Coco, almost 20 days ago. She was found in a park by a loving family who brought her to RSPCA. Coco didn't have a collar on, but luckily is micro chipped. She was returned to Michelle yesterday. I heard about it on her Facebook page. I was so happy for her that I started bawling. Cried like a baby. Coco has lost so, so much weight but looks so happy to be home.

Michelle, I can't tell you how strangely happy and relieved I am for you.

Portal.

In case you haven't been here before, (chances are that's a "yes") let me clue you in in just a few, blunt sentences:

1. My husband and I can't have kids. 
2. But we want kids.
3. Therefore, we would like to adopt.
4. We do not have the $20,000 to fund such adoption.
5. I'm trying my hand at a fundraiser to earn said money.
6. This fundraiser consists of, among other things, an Etsy shop selling paper crafts that I make.
7. Read more here.

This blog is one way I'm promoting my stuffs and trying to get the word out there. I am shamelessly pinning my own work to Pinterest because I want a baby *that* bad. Sue me.

/the end.

Have you ever played the game Portal by Valve? A lot of guys I know have. Pretty much all of the guys I know have. The premise is easy: it's a puzzle. Each level you have to figure out how to get to the next level using a gun that creates a portal from one side of the room to the other. In one of the levels, a weighted companion cube appears to help you complete the level.

Weighted Companion Cube

This is the icon of the game. There are products upon products of this precious cube, even Adam and I own some: Stuffed "animal" Cube, Cookie Cutters, Cookie Jar, Fuzzy Dice, Coasters, Plush Turret, Potato, Hoodie, Silly Putty Gels, ...

WHOA. We own a LOT of Portal stuff. We should've invested in Valve stock. So... we're a little obsessed. We can't help it! It's just such an awesome game!

So awesome, in fact, that I had to make Portal Cards! I used some Google Images as my guide in making these.

I made a lot of variations, and I'll just post them all here

And then I made some cards out of a stick figure holding the cube, also using Google Images as a guide:

My obsession is clear. How many variations does a girl have to make of the same card? What's more sad is that I made more than just one card of each variation!

oy vey.

The good GREAT news is that I'm not the only one with this strange obsession. I hope this means I don't have to work very hard to sell some of these cards. In other words, I've pretty much convinced myself that nothing that I make is going to sell, but I think these will! I shouldn't get my hopes up though, eh?

As always, much love and sunshine,
T

Pissed.

This is my cat.

His name is Nuke.

I just watched him pee on half of my clothes waiting to go into the washer.

I hate this cat. 

So adding these pictures is really pissing me off.

Should I try to wash the clothes?

Or should I throw them away?

Or should I just cry? Because that's what I feel like doing.

It's not that I'm attached to those clothes per se, it's that my effing cat urinated on my clothes. His owner's clothes. MY clothes. Does he pee on my bed, too? On the couch?

He just peed on my HEART. 

/cries

lol

We don't have the money to replace these clothes. 

I hate this cat right now.

Hard.

Life is HARD.

I just worked an 11 hour day straight and I'm still so, so, so incredibly behind.

I am finally home and I am pooped. So exhausted I just want to close my eyes forever.

That's all I have to say about that right now.

Here's a sneak peek of what I'm working on!

I'm almost done :)

Art.

Fair warning: today's bonus word is "crap".

This is another crafty project fail. This one probably is too lame to be submitted to Pinstrosity, mostly because I think I know what I did wrong, but I'm too lazy to try to fix it.

Several years ago when we first bought this home and I was dubbing this back room as my craft room, I was trying to make some art to put up on the walls. I imagined my room would be a magazine picture Pinterest perfect room, with tidiness, art that made sense, and organization up the wazoo.

Throughout the years, I've realized that's entirely not me. I completely appreciate it and would love to have that in my house, but maybe just one room. I think that's what the living room is for. Yeah. I'll stick with that.

Anyway. The walls were bare. I don't like bare walls. I found these awesome DIY wall art pieces made from shoe box lids. Awesome! I had some of those! 

Source

Source

Here's as far as I got:

FUN!

/end story. Ha, not really. I talk too much for that to be the end.

Why give up? Because I'm a quitter.

Shut up. I can hear your judgmental thinking. It's ok, I'm silently judging you because you're judging me.

Ok, I'm writing this at 2:30 in the morning and I'm in a weird mood. Just work with me, here. We'll both get through this post together. 

I quit because it was a free project and I just didn't care. At first I didn't understand why it failed. I put the boxes in my "storage" (aka in a pile of other failed projects under my standing work station), and later realized that, duh, I was using the crappiest crap acrylic paint out there. It probably has "crap" listed as ingredients on the back of the box. 

The paint is called "Acrylic Paint". That's what it says on the box. No company name, just "Acrylic Paint". I'm looking at it right now. Why I've kept a box of crappy (and probably dried up) paint is a little beyond me, but honestly not so much... it's probably because I keep just about everything past its expiration date. 

/throws away box of crusty "Acrylic Paint".

Children, you get what you pay for. Buy some Gesso. Use some Folk Art as the minimum quality acrylic paint. Or just spray paint it with primer and cover with a cool spray paint, like the woman in the bottom tutorial did. That's what went wrong here. Read the tutorials. That's kinda what they're there for. To tutorialze you. Only, to be fair, the top tutorial lady just painted two coats of paint and was done. My boxes were painted four or five times. Fail.

Because my walls are filled with random crap, I might just decide to try this project again. Only this time I won't fail. I like random and disorganization sometimes. Like in this room. 

I would totally post a picture of my room if I wouldn't be judged for it!

Lots.

I am finally trying to go through, organize, and blog/post pictures of the work I've done in the past three years.

I'm starting to pull my hair out. I'm not showering. I'm not eating. I'm not even smoking anymore.

Conclusion:

I have made a lot of freaking cards.

Baby.

I don't have any real pictures to share today, but because I know that pictures helps break up the monotony of the walls of texts, I'm going to put some that I adore in here... and they just so happen to go along with the theme.

There are a few things that I want to discuss. They're uncomfortable for me to talk about, so I would expect it's going to be uncomfortable for you, too. The only reason I'm doing this is because I like to be open about big circumstances in my life. I don't see why there has to be an issue with discussing something going on in my life. Everyone enjoys their privacy, but I find it important for me to open up about problems that are close to my heart. Or my brain...

Tenderness.

Here's a recap of rants I've had in the past:

• I'm bipolar.
• I have tons of other health issues.
• I have no health insurance.
• We have little money because of stupid health issues.

It looks like I covered everything in just one post!

Playful.

Today I'm going to cover:

• We can't have kids (probably).
• We are too poor to adopt or to go through fertilization treatments.
• We worry about my mental issues interfering with the stresses of being a foster parent.
• We want to be parents anyway.
• I have opened an Etsy shop and will be starting to promote my (hopefully decent) work to try to earn money to purchase some sort of human being. That sounds so effed up, but it's true.
• I don't know why SO MANY of the pictures in my previous posts vanished. That actually really pisses me off, because the only reason I even KEEP a blog is to document my life and work! WHAT.THE. CRAPF(&SFJAsd;fo*%($@&%!!!!!!!

Friendship.

1.  We can't have kids (probably).

True story. Everyone else says "oh, you will. It will happen", "you're young still", "you never know what can happen". Fine, I'm young, but chances aren't looking so good. PLUS, WHO ARE YOU to tell me it'll happen? Ugh, that irks me the worst. I haven't been trying *that* long, in the whole scheme of life (6 years), but that's a lot of failed attempts and so, so many monthly heartbreaks. I'm pretty convinced that if we keep doing what we're doing (essentially everything they could do 2013 years ago, nothing more), we won't be able to have a baby. We've "stopped trying" for a year or two now, hoping that we would be one of those lucky couples that have them on accident. No dice.

I have had some medical tests in the past. Some tests have come back either normal or slightly abnormal, but there's not a lot that we can do because of the money issue.

Joy.

Which leads me to:

2.  We are too poor to adopt or to go through fertilization treatments.

I suppose we're not poor, because we're not in the poverty range, but we're definitely not rich. Most people call it "well off". We're on the lower end of that description.

My enormous medical bills require us to deplete nearly all of our monthly "fun" money to pay them. We don't have $20,000 to invest into an adoption. Don't try to tell me that it's cheaper Here or There, because I feel like I've looked into everything! Even the so-called not-for-profit organizations charge a minimum of $20,000. Doctor appointments are costly just to try to see what's wrong with one of us. Once we find out what's wrong, what's the treatment? What if we go through $10,000 in medical tests and find out that the only option is In Vitro anyway? Either way it's a moot point, because we don't have $10k to drop in the first place.

HOWEVER! There is a place in Madison that has a guarantee that their services will work! Adam is begging me to try that before we go through the process of fostering. The only problem I have is that Madison is THREE HOURS away. We'd both have to take an entire day off of work just to go to one appointment! That's an entire adventure! That's a lot of time in the car and a lot of money spent on gas!

Content.

3.  We worry about my mental issues interfering with the stresses of being a foster parent.

It's not secret that I don't handle stress well. In dire situations, I can be unusually calm, collected and cool, but when constantly pressured, I break. If a troubled child pushes me to a breaking point, obviously that's not good. But, also, who is to say that I'll break? What kind of a break? Will I cry? Will I need to go get my meds adjusted? Will I need to go see a counselor? (probably a good idea, anyway.) Those are all ok. But what if I need to be admitted? Highly unlikely. But what if!? That's always going to be in the back of my mind.

I think that the best option for us would be for us to foster. This may sound wrong or inappropriate, but it's the cheapest route, and therefore the most feasible and practical in our situation. Getting into severe debt just to have something that will cost us even more in the short and long term and forever term doesn't make any sense to me.

Precious.

4.  We want to be parents anyway.

"We" is a relative term. Adam is more of a "if everything is peachy keen, let's do it", whereas I'm the irrational, spoiled brat who always gets what she wants, and throws a fit when she doesn't get it. I believe what everyone else says, that there is never an opportune time to have children. You just have to do it, and things work out somehow.

I've been trying hard to be patient. When I pray and plead with God to give me a child, I hear him tell me to "be patient". Ugh! Fine. I guess I don't have a choice much, do I? lol.

Soul.

5.  I'm making this post because I want to explain that I'm going to be shamelessly promoting my (hopefully decent) work so as to earn money to obtain a Precious. 

I don't know why I feel like I have to announce this. Maybe so it's that I can tell myself that I should do this. Because I AM awesome and I CAN do this. Maybe my stuff IS good enough that people might want to buy it. And if I do get money from it, I want people to know that it's going to something that I'm passionate about.

However, I know that if none of this goes my way, Adam and I will just grow old together. 

And that will be ok.

Endless Love.

Learning.

The Tandem Skydiving album has taught me a lot.

• Modern is fun!

Honestly, the only reason this book is modern (as opposed to grunge/aged/antiqued/weathered/Tim Holtz'ed) is because I found a fabulous page kit called Everyday Eclectic by Echo Park and just.had.to.have.it.

http://www.damasklove.com/whats-your-monogrammable/

• Modern is hard!

Other than that page kit, I have nothing modern. No embellishments, no paper, no inspiration. My friend Kelsi gave me some modern washi tape several weeks ago. Other than that, most of my embellishments I consider to be more Tim Holtz style. (Probably because most of them are Tim Holtz brand...) I had to buy some more things that were appropriate, and I was able to just get two paper pads and used what I already have for everything else. I'm pretty proud of that! It's really, really hard for me to not spend money.

http://laurafadora.wordpress.com/2013/08/26/big-news/

• My Silhouette is awesome!

Although for the first several days after I got it I absolutely hated it and wanted to throw it out of the window, I'm finally starting to really love my Silhouette. I've ruined countless pieces of paper but have learned a LOT in the process and I've cut a LOT of cool things. All of my cuts were either free, ones I made (I made like... one...), and only one I purchased for 99 cents plus the Designer Edition software ($32ish) from svgcuts.com that came with a $10.00 gift card. I've made a lot of embellishments and backgrounds with it. Just about every page has something that was cut with the Silhouette.

http://www.silhouetteamerica.com/

• It's ok to "scrap" it.

Adam loves puns. It's only appropriate that I add one.

Many times when I'm making my layout and I'm moving things around to make it work, I've learned to just sweep it all off the page, put everything away except the picture, and start over. If something doesn't look right, then it isn't right. Don't force yourself to like something that sucks. Or even if it's just "ok", toss it and start anew.

http://pinterest.com/pin/93238654754914023/
Makes me laugh every time.

• Plagiarize. Everyone does it. I prefer to call it CASEing.

True story. There's a saying that someone said once upon a time that I'll summarize: "Nothing is original." Ideas are built off of other ideas. I don't feel bad about nearly copying another layout because, really, it's a compliment. If someone liked MY project so much that they want to do something nearly identical, I would be thrilled! Someone actually LIKES something of mine that much!?

http://markmalazarte.com/jarmusch/

Even if I never look at the album again, I still grew artistically from it, and even finishing it is accomplishment in and of itself.