Day 26: Don't Stop Believing!

I've always struggled with my weight.

The first struggle I remember is when I moved to New Jersey my freshman year of high school. We moved suddenly and had no home when we arrived. We stayed two months in a hotel before my parents found a house and we moved in. Two months in a hotel in a city where I knew literally no one and had no where to go. My brother Drew and I watched the same movies on HBO twenty times. When volleyball tryouts started I found I had gained 20 pounds. The hotel we were staying out had a fabulous gym and hours of volleyball practice got me back in shape quickly. I remember how shocked I was that I gained so much weight in such a short amount of time without realizing it until it had already happened.

When I moved to Utah my Sophomore year my depression made my weight an every day battle. My pant sizes fluctuated from size 3 to size 9. I became obsessive about it at times and would not go to bed until my abs, butt and thighs hurt from workouts.

After high school it got really out of control. I gained about 60 pounds in less than a year. It wasn't until my first marriage ended that I lost most of the weight. 50 pounds! I moved in with a really good friend who had a whole workout room in her house. I used the treadmill every work day before she got home from work and eventually stole some of her exercise ball DVDs.

I kept it up until my string of panic attacks last year. I literally let anxiety take 100% control of my body, my mind and my desires like an Exorcist movie. I was lucky that I was still able to fit into my wedding dress! Since last year I have gained back every single pound that I lost two years ago.

I've done it before and I'm going to do it again. This week I started my weight loss routine again. I'll start out by doing what I did last time - working the treadmill 20 minutes a day until I get my endurance up and can do more. I've been able to burn at least 150 calories a day (the amount of calories in the Dr. Pepper taunting me in the fridge) and not stop until I walked a mile. I say that's a good start.

Other tips to remember that help:

• Listening to some fabulous tunes and dance like a freak
• Being poor - we can't afford Dr. Pepper and Wendy's
• I love, love taking ice cold showers when I'm gross and sweaty
• After the first 15 pounds I lose I get something awesome. I just haven't decided what yet.

I think it may be time to buy some new sneakers. My mom bought these for me 10 years ago when I was trying out for volleyball in New Jersey.


Let me know if you know of any good deals out there.